You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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