I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
