My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
