return my video game
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
