just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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