If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
