Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
