Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
