He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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