I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
