how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he told me I talked like a deaf person
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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