if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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