i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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