and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
