best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
