I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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