I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
