I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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