we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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