If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
