Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
