I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
