You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
