Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
