You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
