Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
