I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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