how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
