the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
