Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
