Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
