Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize