i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
