I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
