If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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