can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
