Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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