seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
