i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
