i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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