how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
