Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The air taste purple.
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