6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize