I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
whose parrot is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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