I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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