There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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