Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my liver is dry heaving
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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