How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
