You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
