I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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