We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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