you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
