Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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