If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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