I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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