still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
