Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
