someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
