Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
