cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
