return my video game
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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