I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
