the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
someone owes me an orgasm
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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