Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
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dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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