found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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