i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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