If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
