Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My balls are so social today.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
