There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
