She said her name was "party"
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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